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Deciding
whether to get or stay engaged?
Lots of couples use the
MST seminar to assess their readiness for marriage, their long-term
compatibility, to understand the sources of their qualms about commitment,
etc. (Some couples also use the seminar to address a period of negativity
or a breach in their relationship (e.g., a broken engagement, an
affair, etc.) and to begin restoring their positive bond.)
The seminar is really
very well suited for this purpose because it helps couples to appreciate
how much of their experience (including their fears and doubts)
is normal and shared even by engaged and newlywed couples. It also
helps them to understand their own and their partner's long-term
expectations which are very important to overcoming uncertainty
and building an even stronger bond. Often 20-25 percent of couples
at a seminar are in some stage of 'deciding' about engagement. (Of
course, this varies.)
Guys especially often
get a lot more out of the experience and feel more validated for
their approach to relationship and intimacy than some of them were
expecting to.
We spend substantial
time building relationship skills. Usually understanding these skills
(and that different strategies work for different types of couples)
can be an important part of developing confidence in your personal
readiness for marriage. It's reassuring to many people to learn
that an intentional, strategizing approach to relationships can
take a lot of the risk out marriage and make for a much more fulfilling
relationship over the long run.
We will also cover issues
like gender and style related differences in relationships, the
evolution of sexuality in long-term relationships, how to manage
the 5 - 7 unresolvable differences that every couple encounters,
etc. Look over the other articles on stayhitched.com to understand
more about our approach.
The main thing is that
you get some expert understanding of what it will take to make YOUR
style of relationship work best for BOTH of you, a lot of private
time talking together in a structured way, understanding each other
more intimately and strategizing about your relationship, and an
opportunity to involve us in assisting you IF you want. (Some couples
go through the entire seminar very privately without involving us
at all.)
We get excellent feedback
from couples who are deciding about their future about the value
of the seminar experience and the insights they gained.
It’s not at all unusual
for couples to experience doubts about marriage and commitment,
even (and in some cases, especially) when they have announced
their engagement or set a date. When some couples encounter conflict,
they assume that these challenges cast doubt on their compatibility.
They don't realize that all couples face conflict; there is no
perfectly compatible partner. It is the couple's approach to their
differences that can make the difference between relationship
success and failure. MST will help you identify and work
though some of the underlying sources of your concerns. It will
give you and your partner more confidence in your capacity to
succeed in your marriage. You will be reassured by your
improved understanding and preparation for the reality of marriage,
including its tremendous prospects for enriching your lives.
Give us a call or send
an e-mail if you'd like to discuss your situation further and
we'll be happy to answer any questions.
Concerned about privacy? Click to learn how a group
seminar can still be very private.
Click here for info on private premarital prep packages and consultations including phone options.
Copyright
2005, Patricia S. & Gregory A. Kuhlman. You may copy this article
for non-commercial use provided that no changes are made and this
copyright notice, author credit and stayhitched.com source citation
are included.
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